Build the Future or Honor the Past?

I didn’t take the job at the church in my college town JUST because I wanted to get out of the church I was the “interim” at. It was a huge motivating factor yes, but there were plenty of things I liked as well. One of the big things was I found myself to be much more theologically aligned with my new pastor than the last. This church seemed to be much more relationally driven, it was in a community that I loved, the cost of living was much less than the last town we had lived in, and above all it was a church that seemed poised to invest in its youth ministry in a big way. That’s at least how it was told to me.

To be clear…I don’t think they ever lied to me when they told me that. When I got to the church there wasn’t really a dedicated youth space…at least not one that was useful for a large group setting. They met in the church fellowship hall for youth group on Sundays. There was A youth space…in the basement level of the church…that consisted of a small class room, a kitchen/dining area that also had a ping pong table, and a larger class room that was mostly used as a lounge area for the youth with couches and a television with video games. Not exactly a space where a youth ministry could grow…and to be honest it wasn’t a super welcoming area. The church was on the verge of approving a massive overhaul of the church…one that would see the children’s ministry expand to that basement level and remodel it. The plan was also to remodel another level of the church to convert it into a dedicated youth space. It would give the youth group access to the church’s small chapel, a good sized meeting space, more classrooms, another dining area, and a new game room area. All of this would also be adjacent to an outdoor basketball hoop. It all seemed like a great idea to me and I was excited to be a part of a church that wanted to invest in its youth in this way. Lots of churches say they want to invest in youth ministry…not a lot are willing to put money where their mouth is and this church was ready to do just that. It was a great idea on paper…what I didn’t understand at the time was how opposed to this some people in the church were…and how a good amount of those opposed were inside the youth ministry itself.

The way this was presented to me was that the people opposed made up a vocal minority of the church and the youth ministry. Again…I don’t think what I was told was wrong…but I don’t think I understood till I got there how attached these youth were to the spaces that they were about to lose. In the church leadership’s mind, they were giving the youth a better & bigger space that would allow the ministry to expand its possibilities. They were right. In the youth’s mind…they were losing a space that meant a lot to them personally and their existence in said space was being erased. They were right too. One of the aspects of the youth space was a large concrete wall. It took up the length of the one long hallway that was down there. It was filled with signatures and quotes from youth past who signed that wall when they graduated. Part of the planned remodel of that area was that wall being painted over. Even the youth who were excited about a new potential area…were unsettled by this.

I felt conflicted. I believed in the church’s vision for a new space…I also understood how some of these youth felt. I thought the obsession some youth had over the wall and the old space bordered on idolatry…and that didn’t sit well with me. That being said I had a “senior wall” at my home church too…and when I worked for my home church I found out it had now been painted over…and finding that out even as a man in my late 20s hurt. The college church I had gone to, that my uncle had once pastored, was in the process of demolishing their old buildings to build new ones. It was needed…but seeing those buildings go down was painful to see. As a grown man I understood these changes were all necessary but I still struggled with my emotions. It only made sense that some of these teenagers were struggling all the more. I think the church wanted to be sensitive to this…in retrospect…I’m not sure we did a great job at that.

I was thrown into the middle of this. By the time I started work as the youth director I felt I was already trying to dissolve and manage conflict. I was told these plans were happening regardless of how its opponents felt at this point. I was told to try to help the youth who didn’t want this change…to help ease their pains & concerns…but not to engage them too much. I was told that if they didn’t like it to the point where they would leave…that would be ok. Too many efforts had been made to appease them and if they didn’t feel heard that was on them.

Managing emotions of a large group of people is hard. I think it’s even harder in a religious setting. The church did try. I tried too…but I was new to this church community. I wanted to stay on my pastor’s good side…and I was excited about having a potentially bigger & better space. As I look back now…I worry that I didn’t foster the emotions of pain & hurt effectively. I worry that in my desire to “toe the line,” that I did more harm than good. I told myself that if these youth who were so vehemently opposed to the changes turned their negative emotions to me…I’d at least have the support of my pastor. I’m not sure when those moments came that I did. By the time these changes did happen I was no longer around. I have no idea how that transition ultimately went but I imagine it was hard. These kinds of problems are admittedly difficult. Finding solutions however, is clearly harder.